The Stranger in My Room:
Getting to Know Your Roommate
OPENERS
1. What's your name?
2. Where are you from? What's your family like?
3. What were some of your favorite activities last year?
4. What are you most excited about as you start at AU?
5. What are you most anxious about as you start at AU?
6. Tell me about a precious possession that you plan to bring with you from
home.
"TRUE/FALSE"
| 1. | If one roommate wants to sleep or study, that takes precedence over socializing in the room. |
TRUE
/ FALSE |
| 2. | It will be difficult for me if my roommate doesn't share my religious and political views. |
TRUE
/ FALSE |
| 3. | I am a social person who likes to have a lot of people around. |
TRUE
/ FALSE |
| 4. | I am more of a slob than a neat-freak. |
TRUE
/ FALSE |
| 5. | I expect my roommate to clear out when I have a boyfriend/girlfriend over. |
TRUE
/ FALSE |
| 6. | It's fine with me if my roommate borrows my things (clothes, CDs, food). We'll be living so close it doesn't make sense to be territorial about things. |
TRUE
/ FALSE |
| 7. | It would bother me if had to deal with my roommate being drunk or high. |
TRUE
/ FALSE |
| 8. | I want my roommate to tell me if something I have done or said bothers him/her. |
TRUE
/ FALSE |
| 9 | I tend to be more extroverted than introverted. |
TRUE
/ FALSE |
| 10. | If my roommate does or says something that bothers me, I am not likely to tell them. |
TRUE
/ FALSE |
| 11. | I'm willing to leave the room if my roommate needs to study or sleep. |
TRUE
/ FALSE |
| 12. | It bothers me when people use profanity or speak rudely about other people. |
TRUE
/ FALSE |
| 13. | I am a night person - I like to be up late. |
TRUE
/ FALSE |
| 14. | I can't sleep with the lights on or music going. |
TRUE
/ FALSE |
COMPLETE THE THOUGHT…
1. When I am angry or bothered by something I usually…
2. The toughest adjustment I'll have to make to college is …
3. My favorite things to do for fun are …
4. The activities that should have priority in our room are…
5. If I my roommate brought drugs or alcohol to our room I would …
6. I'll be really upset if my roommate …
7. I think the most important qualities in a roommate are…
TIPS ON BEING A GOOD ROOMMATE
· Remember that roommates don't have to be best friends. It's great
if you like each other or have common interests. But one of the most rewarding
experiences while in college is getting to know many different kinds of people
and learning to tolerate/celebrate differences.
· Remember that roommates are individuals with likes and dislikes, priorities and peeves, just like you. To be a respectful roommate to your roommate, don't crowd them out of the room with your friends, or drive them mad by typing all night, or devote yourself to changing their minds about political or social issues (or musical tastes).
· Although most people feel good about sharing their stuff with others, it is possible to take unfair advantage of someone's generosity. So don't make assumptions about using your roommates belongings. Be sure that you have an explicit agreement in place about the use of one another's stuff, and check in with each other every month or so to see if your agreement needs some revision. What's okay the first month of the semester may not still be okay the third month.
· When something
that your roommate is doing bothers you, be direct and respectful in bringing
it up, and bring it up sooner rather than later. Try to phrase your concern
in terms of specific behaviors that your roommate can work to change ("Listen,
there's something I have been meaning to mention. When you get up early and
I'm still sleeping, it wakes me up when you turn on the overhead light, and
I wonder if you would you mind using your bedside light instead.") rather
than phrasing your concern in terms of character traits or personal qualities
("You are an inconsiderate jerk! You are the most selfish person I have
ever met!")
· Sometimes it's best to bring up a concern right at the moment that
it's bothering you. This way you can address it immediately rather than letting
it continue to annoy you and grow into a bigger and bigger problem. Sometimes,
however, if your concerns are serious ones or ones that you and your roommate
are likely to have strong feelings about, it's best to bring them up at a
time and place that will allow you to address them fully. Ask your roommate
for a "roommate check-in" date over coffee or ice-cream. If you
are worried that your roommate will think you're rude or pushy or that you
will hurt your roommate's feelings, you should consult with an RA or a Psychological
Services counselor about how to bring up your concerns in an effective and
respectful way.
· If your roommate complains to you that something you do bothers them, don't dismiss it --you have a positive responsibility to try to resolve the situation reasonably. Living with another person involves adjusting to one another's needs and preferences. If you feel you and your roommate are at an impasse, seek out a consultation. Your Residential Life and Housing staff, the counselors at Psychological Services, and the mediators at Mediation Services can help you try to resolve your impasse.
RESOURCES
Housing
and Dining Services (HDS)
Housing and DIning Services has student and professional staff available to
help you with any roommate issues. The Resident Assistant (RA) on your floor
is the best place to start, but there is also an RA on duty 24 hours a day
who is accessible through the front desk. In addition, the Resident Director
(RD) of your building is also available to assist you. The RD can also be
reached through the front desk.
Judicial Affairs and Mediation
Services (JAMS)
Judicial Affairs and Mediation Services provides voluntary confidential assistance
to students (as well as to staff and faculty) in resolving interpersonal conflicts.
To schedule an appointment, contact the Mediation Services office at x1313
or by e-mail at jams@american.edu.
Counseling Center
The Counseling Center provides confidential consultation to students with
regard to any aspect of their life at college, including roommate concerns.
To make an appointment with a counselor, call x3500.
How
To Help A Student in Distress
Helping Someone Get Help
Worried About Someone?