How to Help a Survivor

What to do/say:

If Someone You Know Has Been Sexually Assaulted:

-    Believe them.  Nothing can be more devastating to a victim/survivor of sexual violence than knowing that their friends don’t believe what they are saying.  

-    Establish yourself as a safe person & make sure that the victim/survivor feels safe.  Being a safe person means that you are a person that won’t pass any judgment and will let your friend lead their own recovery process.  Just doing this help your friend feel safe. Allow them to decide what makes them feel safe, don’t choose it for them.

-    Let them talk.  Just having someone listen is a huge help for the victim/survivor.  No matter how hard it is for you to understand or hear, it is harder for them to say.  Do not impose your own thoughts or feelings on the victim/survivor – especially judgmental ones.

-    Don’t try to rationalize what happened.  It may be that if your friend knew the person that hurt them, so do you.  The situation can be hard to understand but the perpetrator’s actions are never justified.  Never make excuses for the offender.  

-    Provide options to the victim/survivor and let them choose which option is best.  Sexual assault is a fundamental loss of control for the victim/survivor and they are the only person that understands what is right for them.   Never force them to do anything that they do not want to do – this would only increase their trauma by continuing their loss of control.

-    Let the victim/survivor “name” their victimization and then you use their “name”.  Use the same words that the victim/survivor is using to talk about what happened to them.  If they are not saying “rape”, don’t say “rape”.

-    Be Patient. Healing from a sexual assault takes time. Be patient and continue to offer your support to your friend throughout the coming weeks and months, or even longer. Remember that every healing process is unique.

-    Do not avoid the victim/survivor or the subject.  For a victim/survivor, the thought of people being scared of them may be a huge concern.  If you avoid your friend, you may be reinforcing their shame and fear.    

-    Educate yourself about sexual violence and the trauma associated with it.  It is not the victim/survivor’s job to help you to understand what happened to them.  National anti-sexual violence organization RAINN (www.rainn.org) or AU’s Sexual Assault Health Educator (rappapor@american.edu) can help provide you with information about sexual violence.       

-    Refer them to RAINN or the DC Rape Crisis Center where they can get help and different resources.  If they aren’t interested in these resources, don’t force these options on them. You can contact these resources for guidance on how to help your friend.

-    Get help for yourself.  Having a friend who has been victimized can be a scary and confusing experience.  The AU counseling center can help you process what has happened.  Additionally, you can contact the Sexual Assault Health Educator (rappapor@american.edu) to learn more about how you can understand this experience, how to help, and how you can get involved in anti-sexual violence work.

For Family/Friends

Under construction – please refer to guidelines provided in the “What to do/say” section.

For additional information, please contact Daniel Rappaport, Sexual Assault Health Educator, at rappapor@american.edu or at 202-885-3055.

For Faculty/Staff

Under construction – please refer to guidelines provided in the “What to do/say” section.

For additional information, please contact Daniel Rappaport, Sexual Assault Health Educator, at rappapor@american.edu or at 202-885-3055.