Fifteen Tips for Mentees

These practical strategies can help mentees build a relationship with their mentors:

1. Initiate. In order to sustain the mentoring relationship, take the initiative to ask your mentor a question, to let him or her know your educational and professional interests and objectives, and to ask about his/her own experiences.
2. Honor your commitment. Your mentor probably has a very demanding job. He or she has volunteered to take on the added responsibility of mentoring. Please be appreciative of your mentor’s time and investment; respond in a timely manner to your mentor's questions and comments. If you don't have the time to respond at length, send a short message letting this person know you will be in contact when you have the opportunity.
3. Help your mentor help you. Tell your mentor how she/he can be most helpful to you.
4. Expect support, not miracles. You can expect a certain level of support and advice from a mentor, but he or she can't solve your problems for you. Perhaps the most valuable quality a mentor can offer is an alternative point of view. A mentor can put the situation in perspective, offer feedback, serve as a sounding board, and identify others whose brain you might pick or activities you can engage in or small ways you can position your work to meet your goals as well as resources that may be helpful to you.
5. Communicate clearly. Initiate contact with your mentor if you have questions or would like to discuss something. Identify your needs and communicate them as clearly as possible to your mentor. It may be helpful to put some focused energy into organizing your thoughts and concerns before talking to your mentor, so that the time is spent wisely.
6. Be teachable. Be willing to learn new things, obtain another perspective, and be responsive to suggestions and constructive criticism.
7. Keep up your end. Work hard at being a good mentee.
8. Follow through. When you decide to act on your mentor’s suggestions, act in a timely manner and then report back to him/her.
9. Look ahead at your calendar. Are there any days you know that you'll be offline or ultra-busy? If so...let the other person know, so that if s/he doesn't hear from you, she knows it's because you're away or you're swamped.
10. Correct misunderstanding when they happen. Get in touch with your mentor before a concern becomes a problem.
11. Remember that you own your development, your mentor doesn’t. It’s up to you to identify objectives as well as keep the relationship focused and moving forward.
12. Use active listening skills in discussions with your mentor.
13. Ask for specific advice on your skill set, ideas, plans, and goals. The more specific you are, the easier it will be for your mentor to respond.
14. Be complete yet succinct in your comments and explanations.
15. Make it easy for your mentor to give you honest, specific feedback. Ask for it early in your relationship.

Reasonable Expectations for Mentors and Mentees

Mentors and mentees typically enter their relationships with assumed expectations of each other. At times, some can experience disappointment because expectations weren’t met or even discussed. To prevent this and help you with your planning, the table below lists some common, reasonable expectations. In many cases, the expectations are similar or the same. A mentoring relationship is a partnership, with both people showing respect and support for each other.

Discuss these expectations early in your mentoring partnership. You may want to add other expectations the two of you identify.

Unreasonable expectations regarding mentors

There are some common unrealistic expectations of mentors that can cause irritation and disappointment on both sides. As a general guideline, the mentor should not be expected to:

• Provide the mentee with personal introductions to other people unless they’re comfortable doing so.
• Spend more time on the relationship than he or she is able to give.
• Take the lead in the relationship, setting up all meetings and driving the mentee’s career development.
• Continue the relationship beyond the agreed-upon time period.